Goals

There is an IG account I follow that focuses on self-care and maintaining a healthy relationship with food, your self and others - Danikabrysha is her IG handle. Anyway - she posted something the other day that stuck with me - the essence being if something does not serve you mentally, physically or spiritually - it's time to let it go. I have done a LOT of reflection on this and what this means to me. This has resulted in me purging a lot of things in my life (or planning to)  and lots of inner reflection on why certain habits, relationships, possessions or "things" I want or have are so important to me and - do they really serve my true needs and self goals. And what are my actual goals in all those areas anyway? Lots of thinking going on here :)

Anyway - my mind is swirling with all this in tandem with a time in our life where a lot of craziness/change will be coming up for us (more on that to come) - but we have been celebrating a bit more than usual lately. I really want to rein this in but, I tend to get caught up in the moment and fun. I want to be more mindful and present in the moment. So in effort to do so I reflected this weekend on my health goals and decided to try setting  a few goals each week and share them out here for accountability (mainly to myself as it is in black and white). Nothing crazy but - I feel like having 3 goals each week that pivot around a my health in an effort to be more grounded, focused and present... is a positive movement towards a healthier me.

This week's goals.....

#1 - More Movement! I want to try and hit 10K steps a day. I accomplished this on Saturday by walking the dogs, elliptical and just moving more in general. I also was reminded after my workout Saturday that positive endorphins from cardio is a real thing for me. I get such a boost of happiness and positive vibes post-workout - and it reduces my anxiety level - which has been higher than usual lately. Exercise truly is the best therapy for me.

#2 - Water! Up the H20. I have been researching and doing Ashley Math (not always reliable ha)- and by my calculations I should be drinking around 90 oz of water a day. I would say I typically drink 1/2 that so.... time to up the dosage! Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate - plus it's good to help clear up my skin so there's that too.

#3 - Limit the Booze! - after tonight (meeting up with a girlfriend for dinner/drinks) - no booze until Friday and, limit to 2 drinks when partaking. This is one of my biggest challenges as I love my vino - as this is much discussed on here--  I. Can. Do. This.

Starting out simple and hoping to build on these - wish me luck, especially with the wine part :)

Whole30 Heart 💗

Five months! Five months since my last post. I have thought about updating here or there but for whatever reason - that has not happened. I have just started a new round of Whole30 and realized as I was trying to look back and see what I cooked/ate on the last round - without documentation via blog posts - really makes it a royal pain in the ass! So - I am going to try and update here more often - at least while I do this Whole30 round so that future rounds are a bit easier.

First some awesome news - I have been a-fib free for just over 1 year and.... as of Friday, I am 100% off my heart medication! This is very monumental for me as the past year and a half has been filled with more EKGs that I can count, cardioversions (where they shock your heart into rhythm - yikes), a catheter cardiac ablation (game changer for me), hospital visit, wearing a heart rate monitor (those modules burn the fuck out of your skin btw), and the worst part in my opinion .... medication. LOTS of medication. I actually have an old lady pill box with an AM and a PM side to make sure I would remember to take all my shit. UGH. Pretty sexy to keep that on your nightstand. That is going in the trashcan today!

Of all the meds I was on - the beta blocker was the worst. It made me feel so tired and just weird all the time. I had zero energy, difficulty concentrating and forget about attempting to maintain a healthy weight. I packed on about 15 lbs since being on them. I know not everyone experiences this but - I did for sure. Now, not sure if it is the beta blocker itself or - lack of energy, frustration with my situation or my love for wine & cheese or... all that wrapped up into one perfect storm but.... happy happy happy to say I am off the meds! I am already feeling better which I am sure is psychosomatic but yesterday - I was walking Charlie in the park and was able to run sprints with him - which is something I have not had the energy or even the inclination to do for quite some time. It felt so good to run fast again or - even just run again. So... YAY ME!

Enter another round of Whole30.

So... no grains, no dairy, no sugar of any kind (agave nectar & honey, I am looking at you), no artificial chemicals/additives (bye bye sugarless gum), no pasta/bread and here is the worst part - NO ALCOHOL. Whole30 sounds terrible when you start out by thinking of all the things you cannot have. But - if you look at it as a focus on whole, fresh, natural foods - so lots of protein, fresh veggies & fruit - and attempting to eliminate as much junk from your body for 30 days - it is much more doable. It really helps me to see my relationship with what I consume and the why behind it.

I am on day 5 and I am finding it very similar to my past round - I do not miss the carbs, or cheese, or cupcakes (that will probably all hit next week). I do not mind all the food prep and planning... or all the slicing, dicing and chopping of veggies. It is the lack of vino that is my biggest pain point. I miss my damn wine! I was using it as an all occasion salve....

Celebrating a special occasion? Wine!

Feeling sad about how tight my jeans are? Wine!

Girls night out? Wine!

Gee I want to work out but... Wine!

Shitty day at work - Wine!

Productive day at work - Wine!

YAY it's Friday - Wine!

Shit, it's only Tuesday - Wine!

This really does help me to reflect on how much of the nectar of the gods (aka Pinot Grigio) I was consuming and how much of a crutch it had become. Five days in I am realizing I need more kombucha on the regular in my life and less vino. As of now - I have no plans of quitting the vino for good but - definitely need to practice more moderation for sure.

So... since I will be sober for the next 25 days... I anticipate more posts on my Whole30 journey. "The devil will find work for idle hands to do" - I cite this phrase to Morrissey (gotta get my Smiths reference in here), but it could be Chaucer or a bible verse who knows.... translation here is - expect more blog posts on my food for completely selfish, self-cataloguing, and distracting entertainment purposes only.  It feels good to be back!

Finally!

I finally found a meeting that I LIKE! I have decided this time around - I am going to attend WW meetings - yes online and weighing at home is more convenient but... for accountability purposes, the in-person meetings are where it's at for me. Plus - I really do enjoy interacting and meeting new people so, this just makes sense for me. I can take an hour out of my week to do something therapeutic, positive and healthy for myself.

I have skipped around to a few meetings trying to find one that fits my personality. The ones I attended during the week mid-day were full of grouchy ass retired folks...not my scene. The meeting I attended Saturday morning was awesome - many more people around my age, a few girls that were working and talked about the struggles of balancing a stressful corporate job with healthy eating (uh yes!), two younger girls in college that joined together, a few life-timers that had a lot of wisdom to share, etc. The leader had so much energy but, seemed very down to earth - I loved it! So I will be weighing in on Saturday mornings going forward.

AND - the best part about the meeting Saturday - the scale finally gave in to me. My body has been hanging on for dear life to every ounce since I started this in early January. It is very frustrating when you are doing everything right.... tracking, eating all the veggies and fruit, drinking all the water, working out, etc...and you lose .6 lbs. VERY FRUSTRATING. But, I knew my body had to eventually give in if I kept doing the right things. And it finally did! I am down 7 lbs for the month of January and I couldn't be happier!

WW does little milestone charms now and I earned my first one Saturday - lost my first 5 lbs :) I was so freaking happy!

I am using this as my visual so I can focus on monthly losses versus weekly losses. It helps me to focus on my long term goals and not the short term frustrations. And.... it's cute. I am excited as to where I will be in a few months!

 I am loving the new Freestyle Plan and I think it is largely due to the fact that I love to cook and spend a LOT of time in the kitchen normally. Every Sunday, my husband and I meal prep and this really helps me to get a structured plan in place for breakfast and lunch for 4 days of the work week. I find most of my recipes on Pinterest and skinnytaste.

This was an awesome Quinoa Chickpea Greek Salad... was awesome next to some baked Greek Chicken.

This is my favorite recipe I have discovered recently - Kale & Bacon Frittata. Basically crisp up 2 slices of bacon in a pan, sauce shallots & kale in the bacon drippings, transfer to dish, add 4 eggs and 4 egg whites, feta cheese and salt/pepper to taste. Bake about 38 mins on 350. This is 2 WW points - and a perfect healthy breakfast that keeps me full till lunch. And I love all the kale in this!

Fridays at work - we have stirfry in our cafe at my office building. Get it... Stir-Friday. Ha.

Anyway - it is easy to go crazy as they have awesome basmati rice & noodles and the awesome cafe lady makes the most delicious crab rangoon - and all that shit adds up to lots of calories. This Friday - I resisted temptation and stuck to protein and veggies and just did a little sesame oil, sriracha & soy sauce - it was awesome and I did not miss all the extra fluff. I was proud of myself for making a better choice and being happy with it.

This is my lunch this week....I like to take pics like this while I cook because I am an Instagram dork.

I know food pics annoy some people but - I really don't care - I love food pics! My instagram feed is a steady stream of food pics & puppies :) Anyway - lunch this week is Chicken Marsala Meatballs.... I added zuchini noodles to bulk up the meal. Really awesome recipe from skinnytaste.

That's about it for now - my goal this week is to get more water in and get 3-4 workouts in (already got 1 in today at lunch). And to continue to track and stay the course :)  Feels so good to be back on plan and blogging again. Cheers!

Seven month breakup...

Wow. Exactly 7 months to the day since my last post. I decided to take a break from blogging and have realized - I miss it. Something about processing my thoughts and putting them out here in the universe is helpful. So here I am again.

The past year hasn't been the most stellar year in regards to my health - about a year ago is when I was diagnosed with A-fib and then a slew of medications, heart procedures, EKGs, cardiologist appointments, etc. I am down to only 1 heart pill a day (YAY!) which is a huge improvement. And I am hopeful that at my next follow up in June, I will be off everything. I have a lot of work to do between now and then though because.....

I have used the past year as a huge excuse to feel sorry for myself. To stop running regularly. To eat pretty much whatever I wanted. To drink ALL the wine...and I do mean all of it.

So stupid as you would think a-fib would have been a wake up call & made me want to get super healthy! But.... the side effects of the meds were not pleasant & became a major obstacle for me. I felt sluggish, irritable, bloated, depressed and just angry that this was happening at 42.  Anyway... all of that combined with normal work, family & life stress just equated to a year of excess. Coping in all the wrong ways.

So - new year, new me bullshit - I joined Weight Watchers again in January to get a grip....start tracking my food intake, focus on healthy eating & get my ass up and moving. It is so interesting to me to see diet trends now of super high protein, high fat, no carb, no sugar, etc but.... none of that really works for me. Hey if it works for you - you do you boo but -  I need a plan that is realistic and sustainable. I will never give up wine 100%, I will always want to have a cupcake here or there, no sorry cauliflower is NOT pizza crust and damn - tacos are life. So...weight watchers works for me.

That being said - my first couple of week have been challenging. I have really stayed the course and have been tracking all my food, eating lots of veggies & lean protein and exercising. I am not back to running yet... mainly as it has been subzero temperatures until yesterday but... I have been on the elliptical. I know I need to incorporate weights again so - did that yesterday. Yes,  it hurts to move my arms today. All of this is good but... progress on the scale has been SLOW. Like painfully slow. Like - I've lost 2 lbs slow. Ugh.

Very frustrating and I am making every effort to not compare my journey now to my 20's or early 30's when I could  eat turkey sandwiches for a week and lose 8 lbs. I know this will take time, consistency and perseverance. And I just need to have patience with the process...and myself.

I am going to blog more as I think putting this shit out here helps me to stay motivated and accountable. And I really do miss it.... feels good to be writing again :) More to come as I am going to make it a habit to blog here often. Wish me luck on my journey.... it is always appreciated :)

Heart Update

Two weeks ago yesterday, I had my cardiac catheter ablation. Yes, it is just as awful as it sounds. Ha! Seriously, it really was not so bad and....a necessary evil to get where i want. I am currently taking 6 pills a day to keep my heartbeat in check thanks to my atrial fibrillation and that is not where I want to be. The side effects from my current medication - tiredness, lightheaded, dizzy, headaches, fluid retention, severe lack of focus and energy - so you get it, feeling like crud in general on the regular. I am a barrel of laughs most days let me tell you.

So - in theory - the ablation cauterizes the heart tissue that is causing my heart to misfire and if all goes as planned i will be weaned off my meds here over the next few months. I am hope hope hoping like crazy that is what the outcome is.

I decided to not tell many people about it - mainly as i did not want to concern my parents unnecessarily. One of the weird things about my current condition is that the rest of me is completely healthy (thank god). All my blood work has been near perfect. No blockages or heart issues. Cholesterol is perfect. Blood pressure is always spot on. But....still have that irregular heartbeat. They are not sure what is causing it. So after much consideration - and deciding I absolutely did NOT want to take medication the rest of my life to sorta kinda control my heartbeat - I decided to move forward with the ablation.... mind you this was after lots of research, questions, running all this by my physician friend, and talks with Chad. I can now say 2 weeks out that I am glad I did it and I am really trying to not wish away the next 2.5 months!

After an ablation it takes a few months to verify that it actually worked. I am wearing a heart rate monitor now (and for the next 27 days) that has electrodes hooked up to me, with a monitor and a cell phone that records my heartbeat. So far... this has been the worst part! I hate having all these wires under my clothes and the cell phone will randomly beep. The electrodes are the worst.... i have four attached to me - two of which go right under my bra underwire - and holy hell is that uncomfortable.  Very frustrating and is putting me in a generally grump ass mood. Thank goodness my husband and my coworkers have a good sense of humor and can deal with me bitching and complaining most days about my current situation. But... I also know this is temporary and a necessary means to and end so...that helps. Big picture this is small potatoes.

I have noticed that the past 2 days I have been pretty exhausted. I wake up tired and feeling like I could sleep 8 more hours. Maybe I am not sleeping well with this damn HR monitor on? Or maybe now that my heart is working properly these meds are really effecting me? I don't know. I also was in Dallas for a few days last week for business and it was a pretty busy trip so - could just be exhausted from that still. Hoping I can really get some quality sleep this weekend and - looking forward to 4th of July long weekend.

One funny thing that has happened - yesterday I had to leave work a little early as this was my first day at work wearing the HR monitor and I realize it is about to die and I left the charger at home. Frick - not good. So I leave work to head home, zipping down the highway on my merrily way home, my mind a million miles away....until....blue lights behind me! I pull my car over while cursing at the time of my lungs.....

Officer: "M'am, I pulled you over going in 78 in a 60mph zone...any reason you were driving so fast?"

Me: .... I just looked at him, pulling my shirt slightly down so he could see my wires and electrodes with flashing lights, bells and whistles and explain "Sir, I am headed home as my HR monitor is about to die and I need to charge it before---"

Officer: he puts his hands up and says "M'am....as far as excuses go, that is a pretty damn good one. Please slow down and get home safe. I don't need to delay you any further"

Moral of the story.... I'm keeping this damn HR monitor in my car for driving purposes after these 30 days are up! No more speeding tickets for this girl ;)  I am hoping the next 27 days fly by and i get good news at my next dr apt... as in YES I can start decreasing the meds. Please think of me and send healing vibes my way - much needed and much appreciated!

Whole30ing Along....

I took a bit of a break from blogging & have realized that I have missed it! It's therapeutic to be able to put my thoughts out there and just file them away. It's also cool to look back every now and then and see exactly what you were up to 1 month, 6 months, 1 year ago....like a more in depth Timehop :)
Anyway.... to my three readers out there..... did you miss me? I missed you & I'm back!

A few weeks ago....3 weeks on Monday to be exact...I started Whole30. Today is Day 20. Twenty days with no sugar, no alcohol, no dairy and no grains.  Wow that's a lot. It's even more crazy when you realize that SUGAR IS IN EVERYTHING! Seriously... I thought a lot of the choices I was making food-wise were pretty "healthy" but when I started reading the ingredients list on things that I consume on a daily basis....it was shocking. My beloved sweet italian cream coffer creamer....holy chemical shitstorm. The sugar-free chewing gum that I pretty much constantly chewed all day long? What the fuck is all that junk in there?? Why am I chewing on fruit-flavored chemicals all day? Even simple things that you wouldn't even consider to have sugar in it...say Chili Power....it's in there! Crazy. Start reading labels people. It's an eye opener.

So I know what you are thinking....what the hell do you eat? If you can't drink booze, or eat cheese, no yogurt, no sugar, no artificial shit, no rice, no pasta, no bread..... F that! I am pretty sure those were my exact thoughts when I researched Whole30 about 6 months ago. As soon as I read no wine for 30 days... i was thinking "F that".  But a friend a work started doing it and had awesome results - not just physically but also mentally, emotionally, etc. And I was intrigued. She kept saying "if I can do this...you can too". I figured what the hell....let me give this a whirl. And here I am at Day 20.

So without going into too many details of the plan (you can just check out the site for Whole30 for yourself) the diet eating plan is focused on consuming whole, clean foods with lots of protein and healthy fats. I can eat fruit as it is natural and clean. I can eat pretty much any meat. Bacon is fine on the side as long as it has zero sugar. Note that sugar free bacon is hard to find and expensive as fuck but...oh so worth it :) Eggs are my new BFF. Guacamole is my homeboy. Kombucha is my ride or die bitch. I have mastered the art of making homemade mayonnaise. Veggies are my new lifeblood. Coconut milk is the nectar of the gods and tastes amazing in eggs (seriously that just sounds gross but try it - it's amazing). Ghee (which is just clarified butter) is SO good but also very expensive...my hubs made mine for me :) Oh and I can eat potatoes... sweet, white and red...although I have been trying to keep the white potatoes to a weekend fling as I tend to go a bit cray cray with potatoes.

Not sure if you caught this above so let me repeat...NO ALCOHOL PEOPLE! That has been a doozy for me and really the biggest hurdle considering wine flows through my veins. Not gonna lie...I cannot wait to have a glass of pinot grigio. Cannot. Wait. But... it has also been nice to take a break. Keeping it real here....wine had become my go to the past year for pretty much every emotion.

Happy? Let's celebrate with a bottle!

Stressful day at work? Let me numb out with some vino.

Sad about the muffin top explosion over my skinny jeans? Wine to the rescue.

Girls night out? I will take 2 bottles please, yes I said 2 and yes they are both for me. F off and thank you.

The weather is above 60 degrees? Patio Grigio!

Oh it's Tuesday you say? Pop the bubbly.

You get the idea. My wine intake was becoming a bit of a bad habit. I was up for the challenge of no alcohol for 30 days but, not going to lie I was a bit skeptical if I could do it. Happy to report that so far... so good. I have discovered Kombucha which is fermented tea and tastes a lot like a sour beer. It is "compliant" on Whole30 as it has a ton of probiotics & healthy shit in there for you. There is some sugar but it is used in the fermentation process so... it's cool (and don't think I haven't tried to justify in my head that should mean that wine is ok too as it is just some fermented grapes & sugar....but i digress). It has been nice to take a break and realize maybe I don't need wine rehab just yet.

I have been spending a lot of time in the kitchen but...I was doing that already. I love to cook & meal prep so I think that has helped make the past 20 days a bit easier. I also love pretty much all veggies & love to try new things.  If you don't like to cook or, if you have a life where you travel a lot or are on the go a lot - I think it would be a bit more challenging. But so far... it really has not been too bad. It also helps that my hubs has been very supportive and for the most part has been a good sport about trying new dishes & eating more veggies (mushroom pork meatballs - I'm talking about you). We have only been out to eat twice in the past 20 days. That is HUGE for us as we live in a neighborhood with tons of bars and restaurants within walking distance and.... we both LOVE to indulge in said bars and restaurants. It has been nice to step back and get some perspective. It's not a good idea for MANY reasons to eat out pretty much Thursday through Sunday. It's been fun hanging at home together more....and better on the bank account too.

So there you have it.... my life the past 20 days has basically been broccoli, eggs, reading food labels, cooking and chopping up shit & relaxing with Kombucha. Hippy Dippy. And i think i kinda love it! More on my Whole30 adventure, my ongoing love/hate affair with running & my possible venture into Kombucha home brewing to come.....

Things are looking up!

Oh the difference a week can make! Exactly one week ago I was feeling terrible... I went to work last Wednesday and as I was driving in, I kept having 3 second dizzy spells where I felt like things were spinning and I was about to pass out. Then I would snap into clarity and feel fine - such a bizarre feeling. I managed to walk up two flights of stairs (would have been a great day to take the elevator... stubborn I know) and as soon as I put my laptop bag down I felt like I was going to pass out. I thought hmmm maybe I just need to get something in my system. I walked over to our cafe across the atrium and bumped into 2 of my peers. "Good Morning! Hey what's up! How are you feeling?"...I turned around to answer and just burst into tears.....ugh not good!

After sitting down for a few minutes in my boss's office - decided it was best if I go home to get some rest... something was not right but I didn't know what. "Yes I feel bad but good enough to drive....No I am not dizzy"....totally lying through my teeth but I honestly just wanted to get home and lay down.

As soon as I got home (after driving the exact speed limit in the far right lane with the plan to pull hard to the right if I passed out - again stubborn ass I know) I immediately text my boss that I got home safe, laid down on the couch and passed out for about 3 hours of solid sleep. Pure exhaustion like I have never felt before. Awful. I thought for sure my heart issues and fib had spiraled out of control and thank god I was going in for another cardioversion the next day.  I was worried and so upset that this was happening. I mean shit, I was running my ass off and feeling great 6 months ago...WTF!

Fast forward to the next day and after multiple EKGs it was determined that my heart is in normal sinus rhythm - YAY! no getting shocked under anesthesia today - YAY! The medication was working but....working a little too well as my heart rate was very very low (like in the 30s/40s) with very low blood pressure which was causing me to feel so terrible, so exhausted & zombified.... my blood was not being pumped efficiently through my body which is why I felt so dizzy and weird. My cardiologist adjusted some of my meds and cut the amount of Metoprolol in half (beta blocker that affects my heart rate and circulation). It has been a week since that has happened and I feel a million times better!

I have even started working out again - 30 minutes on the elliptical and light weights - and I feel so much damn better! I cannot stress how happy this makes me :)

So the plan is for me to follow up next Friday (happy St Patricks Day to me) and see how things are going - more EKGs to see if I am still in normal sinus rhythm and see how my heart rate is doing and if my medication needs adjusting again. I am hoping to continue to lessen my meds on this journey and take as little as possible. 

But for now - I will take what I can get and am feeling very happy that I am feeling so much better and stronger and able to get some exercise back in my life.

On another note - I have rejoined weight watchers to get more accountable with my nutrition - it is going well, I have lost about 8 lbs so far. I was worried my meds would slow down my weight loss but I've decided to just do the best I can with what I've got right now - making better choices and getting in workouts when I feel up to it and hoping I will continue to see slow and steady losses and the scale go down. More to come on that journey of course!